The Unexpected Ways Our Inner Child Speaks

Maybe Healing Looks Like This

Healing isn’t always graceful.

It’s not something you can prepare for, schedule into your day, or wrap neatly in a pretty ritual. Sometimes, healing catches you off guard—early in your day, when you’re just beginning, when everything feels light, peaceful, even joyful. When you’re simply moving through your morning, not expecting anything to surface.

That’s what happened to me today.

I was outside, cleaning, gathering things, the sun shining, music playing—music from my childhood, songs I remember my mom blasting through the house. My cat, Luna, weaving around me, happy and content just to be near. I was happy too, content in that simple, peaceful moment.

And then, without warning, I stepped on her.

It wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t hard. But she cried out. It startled me. I reacted.

“Well then, get out of the way,” I yelled—words I didn’t mean, words that came from a place inside me I didn’t even realize was still there.

The second those words left my mouth, something cracked open.

I looked at her little face, still loving, still wanting to be close, and instantly, guilt rushed in. It hit me deep—but it wasn’t just about Luna.

It hit me all at once—the weight of something much older.

Suddenly, I wasn’t standing in my yard anymore. I was back in time.

Back to being a little girl who just wanted to be loved, to be accepted, to feel safe.

And instead, I was reminded of all the moments I was told to move, to be quiet, to stop being in the way.

I don’t think I realized how much of that I was still carrying.

Not because my parents didn’t love me—they did. But they didn’t always know how to show up. They had their own heaviness, their own struggles. Maybe they didn’t have the tools, the capacity, or the emotional language to recognize how their words would echo inside me for decades.

But a child doesn’t know that.

A child doesn’t understand the reasons.

A child just feels the sting.

And here I was, over 40 years later, still holding pieces of that hurt. Pieces I didn’t even know were buried so deeply—until Luna innocently brought them to the surface.

The Moments That Crack You Open

It’s incredible how life gives us these moments.

Moments that stop us in our tracks and bring old emotions up to the light.

Moments where you suddenly feel your throat tighten, your eyes welling up with tears—and you don’t even know why at first.

Until you realize, it’s not about the present at all.

It’s about what’s been lingering quietly beneath the surface, patiently waiting for you to feel it.

It hurts.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s vulnerable.

It feels messy.

(sigh)

And yet, it’s necessary.

I sat there for a moment after.

I felt it all.

I let myself cry.

I let the weight move through me.

And I’m so, so grateful that I’ve learned not to push these moments away anymore.

Returning to the Little Girl Within

I’m grateful for Reiki—for the ability to pause and send healing not just to myself now, but to that younger version of me who didn’t know how to process those feelings. To send light to the parts of my parents who also didn’t know how to process their own pain, who reacted from places inside themselves they probably didn’t fully understand either. Because when I yelled in that moment, I felt firsthand how much it doesn’t feel good to carry that.

It’s heavy.

It’s old.

And it’s time to let it go.

Healing isn’t linear.

It doesn’t move in a straight line.

It happens in waves.

It shows up when you least expect it—through people, through pets, through simple, ordinary moments.

And it’s so easy to think we’ve already worked through something…

Until life gently offers us another opportunity to feel it more deeply, to release it more fully.

So if you ever find yourself triggered by something small—something silly, something that catches you completely off guard—I hope you remember:

It’s not a sign you’re broken.

It’s a sign that something inside you is ready to soften, ready to unravel, ready to no longer weigh you down.

And if all you can do in that moment is pause… breathe… feel…

That’s enough.

It’s All Connected

Over the past two days, I’ve been drawn to listening to music from my childhood. Songs I haven’t heard in years, melodies tied to that little girl version of me. I didn’t think much of it at first… but now, I know it’s all part of it too.

Something inside me knew.

Those familiar songs gently guiding me back, opening doors I didn’t even realize were still locked, softening the edges, making it safe for old wounds to rise up—asking to finally be heard, to finally be healed.

And Luna…

Luna came into my life in August of 2024. I have no idea how she ended up here. Every morning, I’m out there yelling at her—“Leave the squirrels alone! Get down from there!”—and yet, I love her so much.

But in this moment…

In this moment, I realize just how important she is.

What an intentional piece God, the Universe, placed in my path to help me heal.

And for that—for her—I am deeply, endlessly grateful.